Steel Mail News - October '97
Vol.1, Ed. 5
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
NEW MEMBERS
Jim Gordon - Prize winning Post Tribune Columnist/Movie
Critic/Satirist/Radio Tube Collector (philatubalist) and/Guy Who Always
Wanted to Have Slashes in His Introductory Title. (Honorary membership -
see article below).
John Moberg - Undisputed best Grievance Committeeman in Zone 8.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
EMPLOYEES ON THE MOVE
In last month's Steel Mail News we reported Kensey Alsman was promoted to
"Emperor of STEEL MAIL for Life" (EOSMFL) which made him the highest
ranking Corporate Officer of any business in America. We thought this
would become the target title of other, lesser CEOs for decades to come.
Now we find that Mr. Alsman has surpassed even that exalted title & rank
and has been promoted to "Grand Emperor of STEEL MAIL for Life" (GEOSMFL).
We are not going to make the same mistake this month of congratulating him
for achieving a career pinnacle when there is no telling where he will top
out. GEOSMFL Alsman states he is donating his entire pay increase to the
month old "Kensey L. Alsman Foundation for Discovering Ever More Exalted
Titles & Ranks for Kensey L. Alsman" (KLAFFDEMET&RFKLA).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
STEEL MAIL NOTICED BY WORLD RENOWNED COLUMNIST:
In a recent Post Tribune article (sometime in September or October)
Columnist Jim Gordon found opportunity to turn his acute powers of sarcasm
and well-honed wit to a "STEEL MAIL NEWS" report on the 12th or 13th
BOFMECHIAN Closed Golf Tournament which took place in July or August of
this year or last. He took this opportunity to lampoon, ridicule, and mock
the participants of our esteemed event. The title of his article
containing this report was "I Must Have Logged on to Weirdos.Com."
We at "STEEL MAIL NEWS" and all participants of the Golf Tournament in
question want to thank Mr. Gordon for paying attention to us. We have
decided to award him with a membership in "THE BROTHER AND SISTERHOOD OF
THE SECRET BUTTON." Gordon is only the second non-steelworker American to
receive this honor along with Vice President Al Gore, who is a member
against his expressed wishes.
Gordon, speaking at his own installation dinner that was attended by Al
Gore and all but one of the other Secret Button members, said he does not
have a problem belonging to the same secret society as a
politician he may have to report on because " . . . I don't have any
ethics." We at "STEEL MAIL NEWS" say "Stout fellow," and "Well met," and
other such non sequiturs. Jim's e-mail address is located on the
"Steelworker Friendly" page but he only reads his mail a couple of times a year so don't expect immediate replies.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MESSAGE FROM THE EDITOR:
To the person or persons responsible for the theft of my autographed, photo
engraved Durward Kirby umbrella handle:
I'm going to turn away from my desk for 5 minutes. When I turn back around
I expect to find my property returned. There will be no reprisals.
The Editor
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
STEEL MAIL SOUVENIR PRODUCTS NOW ON SALE:
We now have the full line of STEEL MAIL souvenir items in stock just in
time for the Christmas season. Shop here for your significant other.
(NOTE:All STEEL MAIL garments are made from the finest tempered steel chain
mail available and are produced at Bethlehem Steel, Burns Harbor Plant
under the rigorous ISO 2000 standards.)
- STEEL MAIL sweat socks - $11.00
- STEEL MAIL suspenders - $13.00
- STEEL MAIL tee shirt - $17.00
- STEEL MAIL sweatshirt - $32.00
- STEEL MAIL/Wallace Beery undershirt - $55.00
- STEEL MAIL leisure suit (powder pink or powder blue) - $80.00
- STEEL MAIL & spandex biking drawers - $129.00
- STEEL MAIL truss - $29.00
- GEOSMFL Kensey Alsman tongue stud:
- gold - $79.99
- brass - $19.99
- lead - $ 9.99
- STEEL MAIL tatoo - $129.00
- Dorothy Kilgallen combination hairnet/night vision goggles - $223.00
- STEEL MAIL oxygen mask w/gauges & refillable tank - $357.00
- Autographed, photo engraved Durward Kirby umbrella handle (limited
quantity) - Best Offer.
- STEEL MAIL hand tools (pre-engraved with "Bethlehem Steel" for your
convenience) - CHEAP!!!
- STEEL MAIL Evening Gowns - $249 - $799
- Dinner with Jim Gordon - Market Price.
15% of all profits on STEEL MAIL merchandise will be donated to the
KLAFFDEMET&RFKLA; because STEEL MAIL news is an organization that cares.
Send all orders to:
Al Gore
vicepresident@whitehouse.gov
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Steel Mail News" is published irregularly by the "Steel Mail News Team" as
a service to members of "The Sister & Brotherhood of the Secret Button" and
is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Communist Party of Cuba.
Send comments and/or story ideas to
smnews@hotmail.com
Back to
The Archives
copyright © 1997 by Steel Mail News